What does Hijab mean to me ?
It meant something before " Hijab Day " ever existed. It meant freedom in a time when social media was not invented.
It meant to fight for my right to be who I want to be, before hashtags could support me and stand up for me.
It meant to stand against even my own and closest ones, live on my own, fight on my own.
It meant to feel connected without having a single hijab friend to connect with.
It meant to be the only girl in the Elementary / High school who just didn't fit in anymore.
It meant to feel strong, during a time when I had nobody but Allah to give me the strength.
It meant to cry alone and ask for guidance in an empty room, because in 1996 we didn't have " Hijab pages, hijab groups, women support groups, hijab fashion trends and so on.. "
It meant to be noticed and judged no matter where I went. In a German City with most Catholics and very few Muslims, it meant " with that thing on my head " I will be looking like someone who just fell off another Planet, and yet despite all the looks, laughs, mocking and bullying keeping my head high and never even for a moment backing down or thinking to take it off.
It meant, to be brave and walk trough the city of our war enemy in Bosnia, while they stared at me, even spit in my face, and realize, that spit is the least I can take for the prize I hope to get.
It meant to be 15, afraid, alone, not popular .. If I was " followed " it wasn't on Facebook or Instagram, but on the streets where some teenage bully's have tried to take my hijab off by force and threw rocks at me.
Hijab is Identity.
An identity that you have to completely " sink in with " and accept as a part of you. It can't and should not be something that you are " talked or pressured into" ..
It has to be your choice, your belief .
Wear it for you. For Allah. For your own reward. For your own belief. Not for anyone or anything else.
And no, hijab does not make you perfect, and you can't wait to be " perfect " and than decide to wear it, that time will never come.
Wear it when you feel it is the right choice for you.
Hijab journey- 1996-2020
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